Posted by: canthold | January 17, 2008

Busy Mom Week

I’m taking my youngest daughter to the doctor today. Our HMO is pretty nonchalant about illness until after the third day with a fever. Her cough is getting worse and my husband is not handling the sickness very well himself. He’s beside himself with worry about our little one.

I can predict that the doctor will have nothing that he can do and we’ll keep an eye on it, after he prescribes more fluids and rest. Unless, of course, she has some sort of bronchitis or pneumonia, in which case, he might do something. This is why the last time we were in the same boat I was all for the chest x-ray to rule out pneumonia. It felt like something that we could do.

With my sick daughter, my lame dog, and not enough sleep this week, my re-launch into the world of working stiffs isn’t very enthusiastic. How in the world will I manage all of these things AND a job too? I know that women do it all the time and I’d be able to when the time came, but it’s hard to stare down that barrel sometimes.

I got the packet to register my youngest daughter into Kindergarten. I went to the orientation meeting and listened to all the great things our school has to offer. I know all about it, since my oldest went through it too, but this is different. I became extremely aware of all the volunteering I did for my oldest and the driving to field trips and I want to give that to my youngest, too. She already feels slighted and I want to make it up to her. Will I be able to do all that I want for my kids when I start working?

The fact that they will only be this young for a brief amount of time is hovering over me like a storm cloud. I know it will pass and they will become independent young women. They will reach a point where they don’t need me or want me around and re-directing my time will be even easier. I just don’t know if that demarcation in time will be more obvious or if the passage of time will only make me aware that there is no good time to pull the rug out. (And I know, they will be fine without the rug.)

I keep thinking that the answer will come to me when I’m ready to hear it. That last job that I applied to was perfect in so many ways and I was encouraged to work because it provided a lot of options that I was looking for. Everything else out there is a complete unknown right now. Some of the most attractive opportunities are full-on full time. They’re located across a bridge from my children (which, since my husband works across two bridges, an earthquake or other¬†disaster would make us both too far away from them.) (At least for my comfort level.) Some of the jobs that I know are out there require long hours because I used to do them.

Well, if I’m going to shower today, now’s the time. Then off to help my little one get over her illness and get back to her healthy self. My dog is fine and we’ve been going for some nice walks. Another day, another…

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