Posted by: canthold | April 28, 2008

Gloomsville

If you look above my head you’ll see the raincloud following me around. Above the people around me, it’s sunny and clear. I’m trying hard to get that umbrella out, because I’m sure getting wet.

First of all, I have neglected my worm bins over the winter. They didn’t quite eat the compost at the rates I was expecting and so I just figured I’d put in some new nesting material – moist shredded newspapers – and leave them alone until I could pay more attention to the process. Well, apparently, moist shredded newspapers are good food for termites, too. I checked my bin yesterday and found these crazy bugs running willy-nilly around the bin and I was convinced they were termites. Of course, every unidentifiable bug I see with wings and an ant-like body is a termite, but this time I looked it up. Sure enough, they look just like the soldiers of the damp-wood termites. I even saw some baby things.

Since we live in a wood house, with wood decks, wood trees around us and wood-wood-wood, I became a bit disturbed about this discovery. I didn’t know what to do with my bins, as they still had a lot of worms. I sat in the sun trying to pick out as many worms as I could to place elsewhere, thinking that if I dumped it to sort, the termites would run off. I can’t use poison because I live in Marin County, Anti-Pesticide-Land, and I didn’t know what would happen if I just buried the contents of the worm bin. Would the termites eat their way out and just forget about the obvious question of whether I attracted termites to my home in the first place.

I did the horrid, I’ll-never-forgive-myself-deed, and put an airtight lid on the worm bin and set it out in the sun. All the critters inside will bake to death. Including the termites. Including the poor worms, who did nothing to deserve this. I know. They’re worms. I just have a hard time killing anything and these good and bad critters are included in there. What would you have done?

So that’s the first-of-all. Secondly, I’ve had vertigo every day for the last eight days. My Meniere’s Disease is going bilateral – from only one ear to both ears – and the hearing in my right ear is as-good-as completely gone. Just knowing this fact makes me ask “what?” all the more frequently. As far as this inner-ear thing I’ve had for the last 14-years, this is my worst case scenario.

Whenever I’ve read about the poor souls who have what I have and I hear how they can’t function because because the vertigo is too frequent and they’re on disability or it goes bilateral, I think, “at least I don’t have it that bad.” Well, now I do. Saturday night I had it in my “good” ear so violently that I had to get out of bed to vomit. (Just what you want to hear, I’m sure.)

It is very possible that I will lose all my hearing in my now-good ear, since the hearing loss is degenerative over time. The thought of going completely deaf in both ears has been pretty hard to deal with, too, even though it would happen in the distant future. Imagine not being able to hear music again or my children laughing. (And I know that deaf people can lead perfectly happy lives. But the sense of loss at the loss of a sense has hit me pretty hard just the same.)

The change in status of my Meniere’s Disease and the fact that including these last eight days, I’ve had vertigo on and off for seven weeks now, has taken a lot of joy out of my life. It’s hard to look at the future optimistically when the daily takes so much to cope. I can’t imagine working at a normal job with vertigo this frequent. I know that it usually subsides, but it hasn’t this time. Is looking for a job off the table – or off the table for now? I can’t even exercise my blues away because it disrupts my fluid balance which makes things worse.

I have a group of friends who have experienced vertigo and know how absolutely awful it is and they’ve been a great support network. One good friend took my kids for a day so I could sleep it off. I needed it so much and I’ll never be able to repay her for her generosity – even though she would never think of getting repaid for it.

All in all, I’m living La Vida Gloomy here in Gloomsville. Sorry to be such a big bummer, but I’m just trying to hang in over here.

Advertisements

Responses

  1. I personally would have screamed, thrown the container and ran in the house and then kick myself because I threw them and now they would most likely be eating my house. I would then be convinced that I had to move ASAP. Glad you did the smarter thing and actually thought about the situation. Sorry to hear you’re so gloomy and I hope you get out of your gloom soon!

  2. […] Minister Gordon Brown’s grilling by senior MPs on the Commons liaison committee. (95 clicks) GloomsvilleIf you look above my head you’ll see the raincloud following me around. Above the peopl… Truth Stranger Than Fiction: Army Corps of Engineers Building Levees Out of NewspaperExtra! Extra! […]

  3. I’m so sorry you’re having a rough time of it. If I lived in Marin County, I’d volunteer to take your girls, too. Take care of yourself.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Categories

%d bloggers like this: