Posted by: canthold | May 23, 2008

The Spider Connection

I had another spider repel like a rock climber down to my face again while sitting at my desk. I was in the middle of telling a story and the timing of my scream couldn’t have been better. Of course I dropped the phone, too, which didn’t make sense…

I’m still tinkering with this site. Quite frankly, it’s a pain in the ass. I don’t have the time to devote to reworking all these ready-made themes, which for some odd reason all have one little thing wrong with them. One has the wrong title, two have a sidebar that drops to the bottom of everything so you have to scroll down to Mexico to access it, this one loads to the left and then “blinks” to the center. Another can’t be customized enough.

I don’t really know why it bothers me so much. I try to teach my kids to be less worried about being perfect. They’re both perfectionists and just meltdown when something goes wrong. I think they got it from me. I seem to have gotten over perfect housework, so there is hope. I mean, I need to work on that.

Why would these spiders come charging at my head? Do they think they’re going to “get” me? Do they think they’re going to outrun me but then trip and fall as inevitably happens when someone in the movies is trying to escape on some overhead beam from a secluded room while the kidnappers are sitting below playing poker or other things? (Nancy Drew, for one, Adventures in Babysitting, for another.) Do they think I’m some tender morsel they want to try to eat? What the hell? And two of them? What are the odds?

Last year in spring I remember seeing a billion little baby cellar spiders all over my house. I killed them pretty easily while they were smaller than a dime. It seems as though they’ve learned something – evolved, if you will – and now they’re maturing in seclusion and appearing as grown spiders. I’d hate to think what will happen next spring. What, are they going to become vacuum proof? Or take on ant-like strength and hide my vacuum from me?

Meanwhile, the vertigo is under control (with meds) and my midlife crisis just may be gaining momentum as I try to figure out whether to answer what may be my life’s calling (teaching) or to let it ring through to voicemail while I put on the business suit (that doesn’t even fit now that I’m sucking down cookies and Otter Pops) while weighing all that life choices entail. Our local pool opens tomorrow and I’m planning a birthday party. I need to remember to order my daughter’s gift, and unfortunately, I can’t put that on a to-do list. (You’d think I’d just do that now, but I’ve got a sleeping cat on my lap and the credit card is upstairs.)

I need something. Chocolate would help some of it, but could bring on vertigo (why is there a connection?) (It’s like in A Clockwork Orangewhen Beethoven is ruined for the bad guy. Well, not exactly like that, but kind of.) I need to workout to get my endorphins racing around in my little fluid thoroughfare. I need to meditate all my worries away. I need a glass of water but I want a glass of wine. Maybe what I really need is an Alpha Romero Spider. Perhaps these cellar spiders are just car salesmen…

And I can’t help but think about what one reader said about spiders being a symbol (sign?) of creativity. Am I looking for a sign that I should be doing something with my writing (is that my true calling) but I’m interpreting the sign as a spot of bird poop that needs to be cleaned from my car window?

I don’t know.

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