Posted by: canthold | February 3, 2010


I’ve again arrived at the realization that I don’t always know which end is up. Why is it that when you’re convinced of the trueness of something, a change in perspective up-ends it all and the truth becomes clouded?

I mean, what do you think of when you see crows? For me, it’s “Look! Something shiny!” and the fact that they’re always laughing at me. And if there is something to eat, they will find it and eat it, even if they have to figure out how to unzip a kid’s lunchbox to succeed.

I’ve been going through some major stress lately. It’s work related, but I won’t get into it. I think that I’ve gotten a handle on what I’m doing and someone that I work with will open my eyes to a different perspective. It’s been throwing me out of whack over and over and over again now. I’ve wanted to/tried to quit a couple of times now and nothing is really resolved. Just when I think I’ve got to do something different, I have a great day and feel totally happy with the way everything is right now.

In the middle of all this, I saw a crow drop a mouse from the air. Not in my wildest dreams would I have thought that crows eat mice. Then I saw the same thing not a week later, but this time it was a rat. Then I found a dead and decaying rat in my tree and I suspected that a crow probably dropped it there – it couldn’t have gotten itself into the place it was in.

It felt like a sign. I didn’t know what it meant – am I the crow? Am I supposed to vanquish the rats? Am I the scrapper meant to creatively rid myself of my burden? Or something a little less heroic and things aren’t always what you think they are. Adapt.

In the last week, the stress came upon me again and I thought I was going to explode. I had a migraine and if you snuck up on me, I’m sure that all my gears and springs would have popped out like a cartoon. Then today, I had a day off and it was like I just woke up from a bad dream. Nothing that had been bothering me so immensely mattered at all. Nothing.

I’m left in utter confusion. What is the real thing and what is the illusion? Is it just a matter of perspective? Are both (all) sides right, it’s just in how you look at them?


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